i went down to the middle school today for relay for life and i saw my old social studies teacher i had a crush on (don’t talk to me) and he was like “hey how are you i haven’t seen you in ages?” and the first thing i blurted out was “I JUST TURNED 18” and jesus christ if that’s not the thirstiest thing i’ve said in my whole life
If I ever tell you I’m going to sleep and then you see me posting or liking things online for about an hour immediately after that, I promise I wasn’t lying to you, I’m just bad at going to sleep and it is usually a long process that begins with disengaging from any sort of immediate contact with people (chats, for example) and ends when everything on my screen is blurry and I’m hallucinating plot points I haven’t written yet
the xbox one looks like they had a really bad divide at board meetings deciding what it should look like, and couldn’t come to an agreement
REAL Lesbians React to Lesbian Porn!
I’m laughing so hard oh my god
Best Vines of May 2013 (Part 1)
That was better than expected
THIS IS THE BEST THING I’VE EVER WATCHED
MY MOM FED ME COOKIES WITH MILK IM GONNA SHIT UP A FUCKING STORM WHY CANT SHE DO ANYTHING RIGHT
OH MY GOD
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HER
GIVING YOU COOKIES AND MILK
IM LACTOSE INTOLERANT YOU PIECE OF TRASH I LITERALLY MEANT IM GOING TO SHIT UP A FUCKING STORM
once my baby was being really annoying so i put it in the basement but then i forgot and decided i didn’t want my basement anymore so i got rid of the door and then decided to do the rest later and when child protective services came they couldn’t get to my kid so they just wandered around my house
i’m talking about the sims please don’t call the police
No, you don’t understand.
This actually happens.
We got a 16 year old boy on our unit once, because Pediatrics was full, and it’s about 1 in the morning and all the nurses are at the nurses station having a break and we’re all talking and having a laugh and then all of a sudden this kids heart monitor just goes CRAZY.
So we call the code and I grab the crash cart and about 6 of us just take off running down the hall and we bust in the room and this kid is just sitting there with his hand around his junk looking MORTIFIED.
So we just sort of backed out of the room quietly, walked calmly to the stairwell, and had a total and complete hysterical breakdown.
It was the funniest shit ever.
Omigod so many nurses have told me stories like these.
did you know that teachers are instructed to get in between two boys in an altercation and break their eye contact because boys will disengage once the immediate situation is interrupted but they’re instructed to like never ever get in between two girls in a fight because girls wont stop after they lose sight and will actively try to go through whatever’s in between them and teachers are supposed to wait for security to break the shit apart
teenage girls will fuck your shit up
the brazilian wandering spider’s venom can give you an erection lasting for hours
i love how they both figure it out at the exact same time
Feels good, man.